Here we all are welcoming another year of a brand new decade ahead of us. Maybe in our attempts to welcome new things all we are doing is saying goodbyes to some other things. Maybe it is not so much about achieving stuff than letting go of some things.
I address this letter to you in the hope of putting an end to our one year long association. You tried your best to bring me down and trample me under self-doubt and a mountain of worries leaving me in tears at times and at other of sleepless nights. You gave me headaches and a gnawing feeling of despair in my heart. You made me weak emotionally making me a victim of others’ opinions rather than the self-confident way of dealing things with as I used to do earlier. You made me question my very being, my goodness and my positivity. You made me question my relationships and forced me to be dependent upon others for validation. You destroyed all my sense of boundaries and made me jump into acts of self-mortification. But, but, but… I forgive you. I hold no grudges against you for you taught me how to be self-reliant and be in control to keep you at bay. Today, I put an end to your unwanted visits. Every time you try to creep back into my life, all I have to say to you is Goodbye!
Entwined and relentless,
Curled up and restless,
Bubbled up and joyous,
Mellowed down and luscious.
In mind’s frame.
In body’s shame.
In soul’s flame.
I enjoy writing in my diary. I love my diary. But it’s difficult for me to carry it around always and, therefore, I felt I would use my phone as one for quite sometime now. But again as I am, prone to get too used-to an act which leads me to abandon it altogether, I am turning to you my dear blog to listen me rant and accept what I am to blabber. I’d be glad if you could be my diary.
I am not going to be direct in any of my addresses to you. Whatever I write will be written in a general manner and not in a particular way. I enjoy abstractness and I am willing to keeping my writings here that way. Thank you for listening so far. Here I begin making you listen to me more…
I have a dream, in fact many dreams. Sometimes I used to think most of my dreams have been forced upon me by my family or friends. They made me think in a particular way which in turn made me formulate dreams which were nothing but their dreams for me. Such dreams have no meaning and its fruitless to follow them. Follow a dream which comes from within you, which makes you go and challenge yourself to the extremes. One can’t follow others’ dreams. That wouldn’t have the motivation needed for its accomplishment.
This makes me want to say:
My dear Motivation,
You thing of beauty
And of joy immense.
Will you be there with me in times of toil
And of utmost dissent?
Will you follow me wherever I go?
Beacuse I promise you here
To never let you go.
Even if you feel
That I am being unfaithful to you
Sometimes I just might be,
Know nonetheless that I love you too dearly
To let you just rest.
Dance within me,
Make me twirl with sleepless nights
If you may,
But promise me
That in the end you’d never
Keep yourself from me
Because I love you too deeply
Even if you may know it not
There’s a charm in the chaos these days
The lights stay on and the music doesn’t change
The gaze looks beyond the motion
Beyond the obviousness of affairs
The obvious ceases to interest
And unusual ceases to caress.
Sometimes the mind doesn’t know
Pressure cooker blows
And the bucket overflows
Open eyes look for the sight unseen
And when closed witness the serene.
That’s when dreams creep in…
Into the spaces…
Spaces left untouched
Yet somehow scathed.
But the visions brighten up the voids,
Mollify the morose,
Readies the soul,
Welcoming the new days to rise.
They say never cease to be who you are
But also inflict upon you scars.
They say always stay the way you are
But also lament on the way you implore.
It is all but an empty phrase
To be able to accept someone as he is
As somewhere down the road
You tend to be as much as an accomplice
In the deplorable turn of events
Turning the cheerful into one who isn’t it enough anymore
Turning the talker into one who isn’t it enough anymore
Turning the caring into one who isn’t it enough anymore
Turning the sensitive into one who isn’t it enough anymore
You just say you’d never want them to change
But the truth lies in your attempts to do the exchange.
You know what the outcome will be?
The cheerful will be so
But won’t show you so
The talker will be so
But won’t show you so
The caring would be so
But won’t show you so
The sensitive would be so
But won’t show you so.
So, you be happy with the suppressing
And they’ll be happy with the non expressing
It’ll be your loss with not receiving what they’d want to be expressing
But at least both would be happy
If not from with-in
But at least from with-out
For with-out being the popular shout-out.
The term Happiness has always seemed to me to be kind of a misguiding word. It seems all we really do in this world is to seek that happiness. Not that it is a futile pursuit to make but what exactly is that happiness that we are seeking? Is it achievements of glory? Is it mental peace? Is it feeling love for all? What is it after all? Maybe it’s a little bit of all of the above mentioned but still it seems to be ‘fleeting’ in nature. It doesn’t last as one would wish it to.
Maybe its the fault of our limitations as being humans that we cannot know for sure what Happiness really is. This can make one fall for the following suppositions: either, firstly, that happiness is a myth; that there is no such thing as happiness; that it is just our own mental construction in our desperate need to find meaning in this life that we have to live. Or secondly, that there is happiness for sure; maybe without a definition but that it is there subject to our limitations of understanding; that it is there in some form unfathomable to our reasoning.
Whichever case one must put her/his belief into, what perplexes me is the fact that maybe all we ever really are is being happy and not getting happiness. Why I say so is because happiness even if may not be a myth but it is something very personal to someone. For eg I can achieve the biggest award in my university and might not yet feel happy about it. Or I might win a lottery and feel ecstatic about it.
Your being happy comes from within. While getting happiness is conditioned upon external events. Even though the external events play the deciding role whether or not happiness is to be felt but it is our inner well being that ultimately allows us to feel that happiness. One might argue, though, that if a toy is snatched away from a child then the child might get upset and that in this scenario this toy would be the child’s happiness. Sure the toy would be the source of the child’s happiness but for how long can the toy serve this purpose of giving him happiness? After fulfilling his desires completely the child will keep it aside and would probably start crying due to hunger. It would then be the satisfaction of his hunger which would provide him with happiness. He might want back the toy later though. But yet again it would be momentary.
Attaching happiness with a material object would always make it momentary in nature. It will pass sooner or later. But searching for a happy place within yourself would make you happy maybe permanently!?! It is a choice to be happy and an art to practice it thoroughly. For me there is no such thing as happiness. All we have is a choice to make; a choice to keep striving to remain close to that happy place within. It is only then that we can be happy even when the external events keep changing. That state of being happy would then not be fleeting; it would stay as long as you want it to stay.
Let’s BE happy. 🙂
“Words mean nothing. Gestures mean something. Actions mean something even more. But it’s the Emotions behind actions that mean something the most.”
Well! I came up with the above thought while pondering over various events which take place in one’s life—People getting offended by the manner in which a person uses offensive language, abuses etc. Or when people out of lack of sense of how to behave in a certain situation, make stupid gestures, innuendos etc. Or when people act in an irrational way sometimes completely oblivious of the consequences of those actions.
These are the moments when we jump to conclusions and absolute statements like “He has no sense of how to behave.” Or,
“What kind of a person does such a thing?” Or,
“You’re not the person I used to know.” Etc etc.
Is it right to judge people on the basis of the words they have uttered, or their gestures or their actions?
And, is it even possible to judge a person’s emotions behind the deeds he has done?
So does judging people matter at all?
Sometimes all you need is to enjoy the silence; for silence is the first natural language that comes to us by default and all else is a desperate effort leading to a poor translation of this universal Divine Language. But all in all, maybe the verbal language is the quickest escape to understanding that Divinity than the other languages!!!
In a world full of mute people,
Maybe I’ll fit better.
With no-one to say a word,
For there’d be no language to share.
Showing happiness would be:
People to balter at the sound of their own laughter,
Holding hands and going round-and-round together.
There’d be no abuses and no qualms for words and their usage.
With no language in the picture, feelings would overflow:
Just as water out of a pitcher.
The languages of eye-contact and touch would be at work:
To bring a smile on faces all the more.
But with no words to spare, the world from one another’s perspective: Would all just be a hazy glare.
As the trapped feelings would also sometimes want to come out and cry: “Yayyy!!!”
Just as a little girl peeping stealthily outside from the door left ajar,
Wishes to join the kids in the playground shrieking with joy: “Hurray!!!”